


Wednesday, 2:45 AM

by CaesarVulpes



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Mild Gore, Misgendering, Nonbinary Character, also don't misgender people, couple of cops are just trying to do their jobs, don't get close to Scarecrows they bite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 15:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14405262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaesarVulpes/pseuds/CaesarVulpes
Summary: You'd think a doctor in Gotham would know when to shut up.





	Wednesday, 2:45 AM

There are worse things than being grazed by a couple of bullets. Grazed being a relative term. Being actually shot is worse, and so is sitting in the ER handcuffed to a gurney while a mouthbreathing little shit of a doctor hovers and the cops that are  _supposed_ to be supervising  them have fucked off.  It’s insulting enough that they think two officers is nearly enough to restrain them. But a measly three pairs of handcuffs and a doctor who looks like he’s just got his braces off? They’re wounded.

" How did this happen ?" 

At this point all the dressing is long since done with so Jonathan's tolerance for him is down to zero.  They flex  their fingers, itching to choke the life out of the snot-nosed little fuck.  Their injured shoulder and cracked ribs might have something to say about that but it would be so  very  worth it.

He asks again. 

“Sir, do you hear me?”

“Doctor.” 

“Pardon?”

“I’m not a  _sir_ .”

“ What, you want me to call you ma’am? Cause that’s not--” 

“ _Doctor._ There are two letters in front of my name, if you know what’s good for you you’ll use them.”

"If you want  me  to help  you,  you're going to have to  stop being \--"

"I don't." 

"Excuse me?"

Jonathan scoffs, sits up to look the plain little man in the eye. Even sitting down  they’re taller. 

"I really, really don't want you to help me."

"But you came to--"

"I didn't. I was brought here. And thanks to your little friends--"  They  rattle the cuff s and the irritating boy jumps, "I can't leave."

The kid huffs but doesn't manage to cover up how shaken he is. Perfect. 

"Don't you have anything better to do? Like findin’ me someone old enough to drive?" 

He twitches. 

"You were  _shot._ "

"It was a graze."

"Twenty stitches!"

"My record is 318."

"Shut up," he snaps, and now he's stepping closer, there's a good boy, a little closer.

"If you have a problem go find me a real doctor." 

" Look,  _sir,_ "  the little bastard says, “I’m about to--”

They don’t care what he’s about to.  He gets just close enough and Jonathan grabs his collar  ( _shit that actually hurts_ _they had_ _forgot_ _ten about the ribs)_ and bites down hard on his stupid little face. Blood seeps down  their  chin, between  their teeth, into  their mouth. The kid screams and flails and when Jonathan lets him pull away he leaves a chunk of flesh behind. He lands hard on his ass, clutching his face  ( _for fuck's sake it's not like_ _they_ _took out an eye_ _)_ and now they have the entire room's attention. A pair of nurses dash to the doctor, help him stand while Jon spits out a bloody chunk. 

"You're insane," the doctor babbles, "You're fucking insane."

They roll their  eyes. " Original. " 

The brutish cops finally come barging back in and Jonathan wants to kick something, because Arkham they can stand, jail and prison they can stand, but waiting in a fucking ER while some dipshit fusses over them they can't fucking abide. At all.

"About fuckin' time."

"What did you do?"

" H e bit me," the doctor whimpers from the floor. The cops exchange looks of confusion and unease.  They wince at the pronoun.  How do you get through medical school without being able to  _listen?_

The cops look at each other. They’ve taken to calling them Rosencrantz and Guildenstern in their head.

“He says they bit him.” 

“I heard him.” Rosencrantz downs the rest of his coffee in one and crushes the cup between his hands. He looks tired. They can relate.  " _Why_ _?_ "

"Bored."  And they’re not a  _sir,_ but they think that was implied.

"What?"

"You were taking too long. I'm bored.  And he-- "  They point as best they can while still cuffed. “--wouldn’t give me  _anything_ . What am I s’posed to do,  _buy_ drugs I can get for  _free?”_

"You bit his face off because you're  _bored?_ "

Guildenstern  has her face in her hands. Occasionally they think they hear a low groan.

"Oh please it's not even half an ounce."

"You  _bit_ him ," one of the nurses says, as though this is a revelation to anyone.

" N ext time one of your fuckin' interns needs his wound dressing merit badge, don't send him to me." 

"You  know how much paperwork this is ?  Gonna have to file a report and everything. "

" Find me one of the older ones next time.  They know not to speak to me. " 

“ Please,” Guildenstern says,  voice muffled by her hands . “I’m fucking begging you.  It’s the end of our shift .” 

“ Would you rather I killed him?”

Guildenstern  glares at them over her hands with red eyes. 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't fuckin know man I've had various versions of this since like 2014. I just want its spooky but relateable ghost to leave me in peace.


End file.
